my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We named our party play list daddy issues
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
