We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
