I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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