Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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