He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
