as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
where are my eyebrows?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
