PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
