shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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