I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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