So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
