told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
