I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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