glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
