I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
