nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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