I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
