You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
