I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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