i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
