i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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