So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
