If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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