super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
