just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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