why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
