Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
