No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
