What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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