next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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