Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
