you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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