I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The uberlube is also flammable
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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