Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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