If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
