My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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