The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
