What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
