Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize