I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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