So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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