What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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