i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
