my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
they need to just BURY HIM!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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