i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Congratulations! We have a period
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
