...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
