ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
