Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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