You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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