Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
