My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
