I cannot find my penis.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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