Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
