Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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