Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
