Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
