my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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