Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
