you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
