There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
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Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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