If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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