they need to just BURY HIM!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
