i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
