So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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