Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
