I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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