i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
