Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
why is half of my head shaved?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
