drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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