this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
