Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
