my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
